One kind of independence

I have come across such questions a number of times when I pay my shopping bill or pick the dinner tab when we go out with family friends:

“Why you, let your husband pay”
“Wives are meant to spend their husbands money, dont you know?”

My thoughts on hearing such questions – Both of us are working. Both of us are earning. I can take the onus.If he can plan and fund outstation trips, so can I and I do.

My reaction – 🙂

If I feel the need to splurge in a sale or get a pedicure, why is it assumed that I will give Zack’s card and not mine? When Zack’s friend’s wife asked me about this, all I did was to state was it is no big deal. I do not know how she got this conditioning that the guy should be the one who pays always. This, when she herself earns handsomely.

When I discuss these things with Zack, he is not at all perturbed ( that is a decent way of saying he is almost half asleep). He is mightily proud that his wife is financially independent and has no qualms in telling relatives the same. I can recall one incident clearly. We had just done the interiors of our bedroom – the wardrobe, loft and dressing table. Zack’s cousin sister P and her husband C were visiting that weekend. She was eager to see the newly done bedroom and soon dragged her husband with her. After admiring the color and design, she asked how much did it cost. Zack said it costed so and so and added, this is fully financed by Visha. Priceless was the look which was plastered across my MIL – no, it was not shock, it was pride 😉

When I was single and working, I managed my own finances. Nothing has changed after marriage. Zack  does not think he needs to provide for me. While we both indulge each other, we respect each other’s take in this matter.

I have no right to say anything where in the wife is the homemaker and the husband has to look into every financial aspect. I have seen my mother and my SIL, who in-spite of being homemakers right from the time they got married, manage to save money for themselves from the monthly budget. My mother’s motto – Saving is earning 😀
As an afterthought, if ever I come across such questions again I am gonna say – I guard my financial independence fiercely 😛

What say?

P.S Work and some family commitments are completely draining me, since 2 weeks. The backlog of unread articles in my reader is looking like a hill, am striving not to convert it into a mountain 😀

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45 thoughts on “One kind of independence

  1. i too don’t agree to this notion that men should always pay…I financed our 1st car (of course when i was working) and many other things…
    actually in my parents’ case, my mom manages finance, files for tax returns, makes investments etc and is financially very aware and knows a lot of financial terms. though i have to admit that i am more like my papa (or worse)…

  2. Very rightly said Visha! I would fiercely guard my financial independence too. Even I dont get why some people feel it should always be the man of the house paying. I financed for many of the things while setting up our new home in Bangalore and S takes complete pride in that. I got S’s first gift bike, he had no issues telling it was my gift.

    Am glad our husbands are feeling this way about us – as know some people who can never come to terms with the wife earning and spending equally. It would bruise their ego.

    • It definitely is the conditioning since childhood 😦

      Yaay to understanding husbands 😀

      Ego is definitely one thing, but apart from that me thinks jealousy is also there 😛

  3. Agree with you! 🙂
    I have seen both sides of the coin and money, spending, savings has never been an issue!
    K is still very proud that I am financially independent and even today, I manage my savings and he does his…
    Here, since salary is just from one person, we decide together.. 🙂

  4. One would think that all this is obvious but ya I totally get you when you say some don’t!
    When someone uses metaphors (e.g. husby and wifey being the wheels of a cart or a bicycle etc) they do mean equality right? then why does it become different for matters pertainign to finance?
    Sidenote: K loves being sponsored by wifey and asks for gifts too !
    Take care 🙂

  5. I can proudly say that I live off my wife’s money because all my salary goes in the home loan. She takes me out, puts popcorn in my mouth, buys me shirts and shows me movies. 🙂

    • Kudos to Amit 🙂 for saying it all so easily and like Visha, I too think men like you, m husband, Zack..everyone who believe in this fact should come out in open and make other men realize that there is nothing wrong in admitting that their wives are financially independent and that it is not a matter of ego to tell others that wife has financed a holiday or a lunch or a movie or shopping or grocery!

  6. The best part here is that your MIL doesn’t create any kinf of fuss. Fortunately even my MIL is like that.
    People who think that men shud provide for women etc are just insecure ppl! And like you I too manage my finances myself….:)

  7. It is a social conditioning which makes people feel that the husband has to pay for the wife’s bills, the husband should earn more than the wife and et al.

    Good that you have a husband and MIL who think otherwise. 🙂

    • Oh yeah..that is a separate topic in itself – the man should earn more than that wife, otherwise..log kya kahenge 😛 😆

      Thanks Rebel 🙂

  8. I so so so get what you mean! That is the way it should be, too. I am glad your MIL shares your views. 🙂

    I guard my financial independence fiercely too. The OH and I share expenses the way we are comfortable with at the moment. Most of his money goes into household expenses and the home loan, and I usually found our trips and other frills. I see no harm in doing so, when we both are earning. But I get the fact that a lot of people are not comfortable doing that.

  9. I am really glad that Hubby dear n I even before our marriage had “Us” in finance related things and never “You and Me” It continues till date and I know for sure it would in future too.. Its like “Jo tera woh mera hai, Joh mera woh tera” and yes some ppl had issues with it..
    Thank God my parents are matured enuf but once it so happened that my MIL had come along with us for shopping and As usual Appi had forgoten to withdraw cash, hence he kept on taking money from my wallet for everything.. At the end it seems MIL asked Appi- “Does she only pay all the time? or how is it?” Uffff

    BottomLine is that watever be it, people just speak n they still cant digest the fact of women being financially Independent!!

    • True, they cant believe that the wife does not have to ask her husband for each and every thing.

      How are you doing Deepsi, long time 🙂 Lets meet sometime online.

  10. This is quiet common at my mind end too…lot of my friends keep raising eyebrows when they hear that I spend my money on shopping and entertainment and grocery…to them I don’t feel the need to explain where does my husbands’ salary go or why he let’s me spend my money on the above mentioned stuff…they have no right to peep into my personal financial matters,period 🙂

    Like I read above in some comment, at the end what matters is being on the same page and thinking alike in crucial matters like finances…be it joint ones or separate ones…

    to talk about our end: we club some part of our money in a expenditure piggie and the rest of our respective salaries are not even looked by each other..what one does with one’s respective savings is totally one’s own prerogative 🙂 that’s how things work at our end..

    also in a family where everyone is working and independent in every which way, I have never come to face any stares in the family, so there 🙂 MIL, SIL BIL..every one knows this concept of individual financial independence 🙂

  11. I think there is no difference in who spends on what. For us, we combine our incomes and then spend not knowing whose money it is. At the end of it, it should be the approach where no one is bigger than the other in the couple. I am glad Zack fits that bill 😀

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