Award, award and award

I am ashamed to admit that whenever I am awarded, I do not accept it immediately. It stays in my mind that I have been tagged/ awarded and when I get nothing novel to write about I dust the archives of the sweet bloggers who presented the precious awards to the unworthy me. I was thinking about writing a post on Zack, since I felt Moo has stole the limelight from him in this blog off late :lol:, when I saw that I have been awarded. Not wanting to cursing myself again, here I am, accepting the awards from the gracious and lovely presenters.

MonkeyMind, our ever lovely MM presented me with the Sunshine award way back in April which I am accepting now, in monsoon. Please forgive me MM, but hey, this sunshine can help me dry out the clothes which I am unable to do since 2 days because of the rains 😀 According to the rules, I have to display the award and mention ten interesting things about myself. Here I go.

(1) I love listening to new languages. Even if I do not understand them, I like to see and hear people speak/ fight/ laugh/ revel in a language.
(2) I always sleep on the right side of the bed. If I am sleeping on the left, I am not at peace. I fiddle, plot, scheme, plead – do anything to cross over to the right side.
(3) I can concentrate on whatever work I am doing while the TV is on full volume or the music is blaring out of the loudspeakers.
(4) If I like a movie or a TV show, I look up the biographies of its actors and directors.
(5) Anything new, I am game for it. Be it electronics, website or social media.
(6) In any kind of gathering irrespective of the age group, I can churn out new games which everyone can play or be involved with.
(7) I may take three hours to do online window shopping, but in the real world, I am out of the shop in less than fifteen minutes with the shopping bag in hand.
(8) I can eat daal and rice daily for lunch/ dinner.
(9) I choose clothes for others really well. I have never had a rejection in my selection ( show off alert).
(10) I deliberately keep an empty bottle besides me, so that I walk to the kitchen every time to fill and drink it.

Thank you so much MM, for awarding me. Whoever I read have been awarded this, if you have not though, kindly consider yourself awarded 🙂

Next, I thank Sanity Vows and TandooriPanipuriLife for conferring on me the Liebster Award. They find me worthy enough of it, even though I talk about nothing apart from the going ons in my mind and my surroundings. Interestingly, I have to answer the same set of questions to me, though I would give it to Sanity Vows to have come up with this set of 11 questions. So dear SV and N, here are my answers.


1. What made you start blogging?How is blogging different than keeping a diary for you or is it the same?
One fine afternoon when I had finished my set of tasks at work and reading the news online, I entered ‘ time pass’ in Google. Of the first five links which showed up that day, two were blogs. I read them one by one, finishing all their archives in a matter of days. One link lead to another and I was reading blogs whenever I had time. I think I stalked blogs for an year before starting this blog. I like to write, and blogging was the perfect answer for a break from work and home. My place, my words, my thoughts.
The difference between a blog and diary is the audience. Not if the blog is private, of course. I can gain other reader’s perspectives through blogging, which is not possible by maintaining a diary. That said, some days it is therapeutic to put words into paper.

2. Do you have a pet? If yes, which one? And if not, why?
No. We tried having a dog for a pet some ten years ago, but it didn’t work out. The dog whined and barked whenever it was near me and I used to think it hated me. And since then, haven’t ventured to change my opinion.

3. Which city do you think is the best to settle down in India? And why?
I have lived in only two cities for long periods of time. And my vote goes for my hometown, Gandhinagar. The greenery, zero pollution, everyone knows everyone phenomenon, street food, quietness, calmness, clean roads, etc

4. What is the one thing that you ordered in a restaurant and it turned out to be totally yuck and expensive?
Zack took me out to this Chinese restaurant in Bangalore once, boasting of its authenticity and taste. I looked for Hakka noodles with Manchurian on the menu, my favourite, but nowhere was there a mention of Hakka as well as Manchurian. The walls had some Chinese symbols and that was the only thing ‘Chinese’ I found. Since we both were very hungry, I ordered veg noodles. It was so bland than I had to finish it with oodles of tomato sauce. Such a waste of money, sigh.

5. If you see your enemy (or simply somebody you dislike) in a helpless situation, will you go forward and help them? Or leave them and enjoy mercilessly?
I would help, but not directly. I would have someone help them.

6. Have you ever been caught by your parents doing something totally inappropriate for your age?
Nope. I was the model kid who would cover her tracks and not get caught 😀 😀

7. What is that one thing that you criticize publicly, but do the same in private?
Nothing. I do not voice my opinions in the family or work unless asked. So ‘public’ criticism is out of the question 😀 As for the criticism part, I see the reason in every action and thing, so am not much of a critic.

8. Do you like water sports? Which one?
Unfortunately, I haven’t participated in any kind of water sports 😦 So whether I like them or not remains to be experienced.

9. Have you ever thought (or actually did ) of harming somebody very badly in order to get back at them? How?
Nope, never. The maximum I have done is shouted at them, that too in my mind.

10. Do you fart and behave like the other person is guilty of the crime?
The smile on my face saves me from any kind of questioning 😛

11. Have you ever been caught by the police ( or worst locked up)? For what reason?
Not technically. As a part of a protest rally during college, have been herded into the police van and transported from one place of protest to another.

It was fun answering these SV and TP 🙂 Again, who all I wanted to tag these questions with, have been awarded the same. But if not, please to take this up 🙂


Post pregnancy blues and blacks and greys and whites

I love kids. Adore them to be true. So when I read about post natal depression(PND) in blogs and newspapers, I thought it would never affect me. When I do not get bored playing and babysitting other’s kids, and in fact resent that I have to hand them over to their respective parents, I figured this PND is something which affects some, not all.

During the eighth and ninth month of my pregnancy I came to live with my parents. I relaxed, watched movies, surfed hoards of blogs and internet articles, on labour and pregnancy. Bookmarked exercise routines to do to lose the post pregnancy weight. In short, did everything to prepare myself mentally to deliver the baby. As destiny would have it, I was not to go through the rigours of labour. Because of dangerously low-level of amniotic fluid, I was scheduled for a c-sec. I went inside the operation theatre happily, thinking I am in safe hands. Surgery was certainly safe, what could go wrong. The folks around me had assured that the surgery would be over in minutes and I would be wheeled out soon. Things happened as expected and I was staring at Moo in my groggy state in half an hour after my operation. Because of the surgery, I could not sit up and hold Moo.

That was the first blow. I could not hold my baby in my arms until the next 24 hours. I could not feed her even when I had milk. Eventually when I held Moo, engorgement happened and she could not latch on. So the first two days of her life, Moo did not drink my breast milk. The third day also she did not latch and out of sheer frustration, I started pumping milk directly into her mouth. While I was being discharged from the hospital, the head nurse warned me that Moo will continue this way unless and until I work upon the technique to make her latch. I tried my level best during every feed to do the same, but seeing the tiny little baby screaming her lungs out every single time, I used to resign and pump. The stitches made it difficult to easily sit up if I was lying down. It took me two to three minutes to hold something and sit up to feed her. I felt wasted and useless. I could not feed my baby and when she cried I could not be up in jiffy to soothe her.

The ninth night from the day she was born, I found myself welling up and could not control my tears. I started weeping which startled my mother. Exactly as if on cue, Moo started crying for milk. So there I sat, pumping milk with Moo in my lap, with an aching back and free-flowing tears. And to my horror, I found I could not express at that time. Was it because of crying? I never heard of anyone not able to express milk because they were crying. And then it hit me. My mental state was not allowing my milk to come. Was it hormones? Hormones could do such a thing? Who knows…so basically, now I could not even cry out because if I do I cannot feed Moo. Wow, what a situation to be in.

At her 14 day check up with her pediatrician, we found Moo had lost 500 grams of weight. According to her birth weight, she should have lost only 300 grams. This was the second blow. Her pediac started talking on how each and every gram weight loss is detrimental and how we need to start on formula for her immediate recovery. My already sad state of mind could take no more and started blaming me that I am responsible for Moo to be in this position. The pediac was explaining how and when to feed her formula when tears started streaming my face, shocking the nurse and my parents alike.

After coming home, we started formula which Moo absolutely hated. After an intake of two tiny spoons in an interval of two hours, she started crying which lasted for 6 hours. She cried, got tired, closed off her eyes and again started crying. We did not know what to do. I felt helpless, utterly helpless. I was determined, come what may, I will not let her suffer. And against the doctor’s instructions, I chucked away her formula and went back the old route, hand expressing breast milk into her mouth. Wonder of wonders, that night she latched on when I took my hand away to get a towel lying besides me. After about fifteen minutes, she was full and drifted off to sleep. And since that day thankfully she latched on every single time during her feed.

I thought every thing was back to normal now. Moo is feeding, my stitches do not pain me any more, I am on a maternity break, so finally I am out of PND. But no, that was not the case. I felt bounded all the time, with dietary restrictions and my limited mobility. To be inside the house all day was starting to feel claustrophobic. At my 6 weeks post partum checkup I was given a go ahead to start walking and exercising. But whenever I got ready to step out, she would cry out. If one day I thought I could figure out her sleeping and feeding pattern, the next day it would go for a toss. Not good. Not at all good for a person who loves to walk, who loves fresh air and most importantly a person who loves to work, be in office work or household work. And yes, somedays I felt I should leave Moo and run away, to my old life, to my older self.

So what did I do to kick myself of all the negativity? First of all, I started writing. I could not use the laptop much, if I was to avoid the death stare of my father. So I started chronicling my pregnancy, hospital experiences, Moo’s check-ups, basically all things medical into a diary. When that got over, I started writing in Hindi, just to see if I still remembered the alphabets. I wrote a decent length and was happy to note I had forgotten only one alphabet 😀 The smartphone was used for what it was purchased, taking pictures and using the internet. Social media engaged me very well, Twitter was as funny as ever and Instagram was addictive. And then when I finally started using the laptop full time, I binge watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S, and then comedy videos in YouTube. Also, I looked up the internet and charted out an exercise routine which I can do every day. Fifteen minutes during the evening. Even if Moo is hungry, I can feed her and get back to my routine. To an extent, exercising helped a lot. I tired out at the end of each session and then went on to get a power nap of 15 to 20 minutes, enough to recharge me through the night.

Things are back to normal now, I can say I am having the best times. Cooking, baking, exercising, Tv watching, internet surfing comprise my days, along with taking care of Moo. I love dressing her up, perks of having a daughter! But, cooing to Moo tops everything 😀