Changing times

I have spent the best part of my Sunday doing household chores and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Who am I even?

My 30s are diametrically opposite to my 20s. And I don’t miss my old ways of living. I also can’t believe I used to live like that 😂

Like what? 2 examples.

1. Leaving the kitchen countertop messy after cooking early morning

2. Picking out clothes to wear from a pile instead of an organised wardrobe

I could most definitely call myself a slob, I used to spur into action only while guests were expected. And once they left and the morning dawned it would take less than a day to get messy again.

It’s not to say it doesn’t happen now. God with two kids I can hardly claim a plain surface tidy, unless it’s the grass outside. If not toys, kitchen utensils will be strewn around, Boo especially loves to run away with the baking supplies.

The difference is now I want to keep cleaning over and over again, TRYing to keep all surfaces tidy. I fail all the time but it does not deter me. I either declutter toys/ things that are not fulfilling their purpose or finalise a permanent spot for them. Since we are having cooler days now, I brought out the warmer clothes out and packed away summer clothes. The wardrobe is reorganised and functional.

Anything I read leaves a profound impact on me if it gets through to me. I once read an article where the author said she misses cleaning her kids room because they do it by themselves. The chores which seem like never ending drudgery is going to stop one day and you will feel empty not doing them anymore. I keep screaming at Moo to keep her room tidy all the while cleaning it every time I enter but inherently I know it won’t be long I won’t need to clean it anymore.

My 30s are going to be trying to hold on to daily routines as much as I can 🙃

Of mom guilt

I am suffering a lot with mom guilt today. Baby Boo is struggling a lot to settle into the childcare. She naps well but screams murder when she wakes up and the crying takes a long time to stop. She hardly eats anything there. No independent play and wants to be held all the time. I go an hour past lunch time to feed her but her educators are concerned she isn’t taking solids at all.

There is an app which parents use to see the daily activities of their children in the childcare. The pictures I saw today broke my heart 😭 They were celebrating her birthday and she was all red from crying and looking utterly sad. I know it takes time for kids to settle in, Moo took over three months, that too when she was attending daily. Boo goes two times a week and it has been nine times she has attended in total since March and no improvement so far.

Motherhood is such a demanding journey. So much of patience is needed 😩

On prayers

I am spiritual, but not a devoutly religious person. As a young girl I used to visit the nearby temple in the evenings because of you went just after the aarti they would give the prasad. As a teenager, there was a newly constructed Ayyapa temple I frequented where the incense sticks would smell heavenly. The priest would also give pure sandalwood paste which I would bring home for everyone. As a newly wed I had a habit of cleaning the prayer room every Saturday morning and reading the Vishnu sahasranamam. I would fast until then. My inlaws never questioned why I started this habit, neither did I find any support from them. I discontinued the fasting when I was pregnant with Moo, then Saturday prayers took a backseat once I was busy raising the child and managing our life abroad. We make sure to visit the temple regularly for all birthdays and festivals, sometimes just like that when we feel we should go to any temple.

All these temple visits have one thing in common since many years. It is a time of self reflection and a ‘talk’. I hardly chant any prayers. I will admire the way the Gods have been decorated with flowers, jewels and clothes and take in the beauty. I will find a spot to sit and close my eyes. The scent of the temple room will hit me first, then the sounds and then I will start internalising and reflecting on my work and thoughts in the past few weeks.

I follow the same at home as well. With a slight difference. I light a lamp and seek comfort in praying for the well being of my kids and family. Since having another child the health and well-being of the kids has become the first and foremost thing I ask. I don’t have any other customs or rituals which I do for the Gods. If for any special occasion there needs to be some rituals done, I ask my MIL and do it accordingly – in all these years it has been only once, which was Boo’s mottai ceremony.

Each one of us has their own way to pray and seek comfort. Zack’s way is different than mine, his is a little fear based – if I don’t do this, bad things might happen, so I have to do it the right way only. While I don’t follow that, I don’t oppose it either because this is something which is very personal to each individual. As long as it doesn’t affect another person however one wants to pray ( or not pray at all ) they should be able to do so freely.