The lost one

Dear Precious,

April last year, your papa and I chanced upon a webpage which had the advertisement of an ovulation calculator. On a whim I entered the required dates and there it showed, that I had a ‘window’ of 5 days and that particular day was the last of the 5. Planning for a kid was not in the agenda. But that night, something clicked somewhere and we entered into the baby making business.

The start of May showed no sign of you. Then my mind went into an overdrive. If I happen to conceive in May, that would result you in February – our favourite month of the year. Triple celebrations would have followed. After all the scheming, plotting and the threatening have-to-do-it-tonight emotional blackmailings to the husband, you finally had me anticipated and on my toes when I did not get my periods in June. On the day your maternal grandparents were to arrive at home after a long train journey of 2 days, I could contain my excitement no longer. In the morning before picking them up from the railway station, I saw a faint line in the home pregnancy test. It was not very dark and so we made a trip to a gynec’s to get it confirmed. The doc poked around and showed me a little coin shaped sac in my belly – your nest. As I welcomed your grandparents with a mischievous smile announcing you, the twinkle and shock in their eyes remains to be treasured.  One week of full pampering by two sets of grandparents and you made your presence all the more felt by the repeated nausea and fatigue. I shivered a little when I found that I had some spotting in the morning the return train journey was scheduled. I could not in any way discuss anything in front of the happy faces departing from home. A quick call to your pediatrician uncle made me fix the next available appointment at the radiologist’s. All through the waiting time at the reception the next day at the scan centre, your papa kept pacifying the agitated and nervous me. The radiologist asked me thrice if this was my first pregnancy, making me confused. Then he showed me the screen and said I see no evidence of a pregnancy. I insisted otherwise, showing the previous scan reports. We had lost you.

The gynec is a no-nonsense lady and said as a matter-of-fact tone that it is quite normal for first timers and we will have plenty of time and chances later. All through the day I kept getting calls from your uncles and aunts having words of comfort for me. Your papa was the rockstar during this time – always keeping my spirits up. The five days following your disappearance had me suffer the worst of my cramps. And then I thought – you had a good life after all ūüôā Till the time you were there, there was never a dull moment for you and me. I had access to the yummiest of foods, no work at all and so much of relaxation! Dear one, you are and always will be a blessing to me – teaching so many things about life, people, hope and patience.

Your papa and I decided that we will stop trying for a few months and focus on healing myself physically and being happy in general. I got a beautiful surprise in the form of a birthday vacation and I welcomed the new year quite adventurously.

Can you imagine the shock of surprise when I saw two pink lines on a home pregnancy test at 4 in the morning a couple of months down the line?

You were planned – prim and proper.

And this little monkey made its presence without any kind of following the ‘to-do’ list – checking the ovulation calendar, eating the right foods, taking prenatal vitamins, best positions for baby making, yadda yadda and all the guidelines which make so many websites mint money like anything. I was so shocked that I shook up the deep-in-slumber husband and showed him the stick. Guess what he said. “Oh wow, congrats Visha” And then goes to sleep. Just. Like. That. In the morning I am made to listen to his ‘dream’ about me doing out this previous scene. But since mamma knows your papa so well, she had already foreseen this and clicked a picture of the stick. It was his turn to be in a state of shock :mrgreen: And in that state of disbelief he was, until he heard the heartbeat at the radiologist’s. And how was I? The same.

You know me. Things have to go according to my plan. I am skeptical to things taking me off-guard. So when this pregnancy started becoming more and more real with the morning+noon+night sickness, I also counted the day when the monkey will finally come into this world. It turned out to be May. The hottest month of the year. There I was, planning for your arrival in February, and here I am expecting a summer baby.

So how is the monkey doing?

Well, I think I will face a mega-faceoff once he/she comes to know that I am referring to her/him as monkey. So we will be a bit kind and give a short and sweet name, like, umm…Moo? Yeah, Moo it shall be.

So Moo is now 25 weeks old, sitting pretty in the tummy having made all the arrangements conducive to itself without even 1% of regard to mummy. Moo does not like me sitting or sleeping, I should always be vertical or walking. As soon as I sit in the office seat, I get a hello from Moo by the way of a well-aimed kick. Post lunch is the play time, where the tummy becomes a playground – playing occurs up, down, right, left, whichever direction is possible. Already there are food preferences, you know? Strawberry shakes are welcome, but beetroot juice is not.

Ah well, this is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg I think.

Yours, craving-to-sleep-on-the-stomach mummy.

The manila folder

After writing the December letter last night, I went through the earlier eleven letters again. I feel happy to say that the year was a mixed bag, neither absolutely good nor absolutely bad. I have some resolutions, but then again, I could have started it last year itself. There is no need of a new year to start of something, right? Laziness and plain tiredness are the sole cause of my never-get-to-see-the-start resolutions ūüė•

I am linking all the letters here so that it is easier for me to give a full-blown unending torture to Zack, when the time finally arrives that he becomes free from his project at work and gets to read them.

January   February   March

April   May   June

July   August   September

October   November  December

On an unrelated note, I had a big, bad fight with him yesterday ūüėź

Smita says, “Your year would be a reflection of the first day of the year“, taking that into consideration, I wish I do not turn violent with him in 2013 :mrgreen:

Couple of announcements

It humbles me every single time when I get praised for a perfectly turned out evening dinner, when the office presentation impresses the client or when I get the world’s most beautiful hugs from my nieces. And I was humbled when Sri asked me to do a guest post. A prolific writer churning out superb posts in the crime and horror genre that you want to read more and more of his works, asking moi for a post? Whats more, he is going to get published soon. So when he asked me to share my thoughts in his blog, I was on cloud nine. Toffee sent me on the clouds few months ago and now Sri. I feel so happy undoubtedly. Hope you guys enjoy my piece – Just mind it at Sri’s : The guy who has malignant humour in his head.



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The whole of December last year, every single day I had hand written letters given to Zack when he came home from work. They were mushy to the core, pretty lengthy too. After receiving 10 such letters, one fine night he casually mentioned that I sound like a priest, always wishing him a happy and a blessed life ūüė•

Naturally, my reaction was that of a kid who got a toy snatched. Armed with the sole motive of torturing him, I set out to write even lengthier letters, which I am sure he just whizzed through with tired eyes night after night. So that he could get a peaceful sleep and not a nagging radio channel.

Last December I did not have a blog, but this year I do. Since I do not intend to do an encore and make his eyes cry out of pain at 11 in the night, I am planning to write the letters here. Since he does not read my blog, he can’t complain about anything :mrgreen:


12 days left for the New Year to dawn.
Each day I will write about every month of this year, hoping to relive, enjoy, learn, love and laugh again.


January rewind has begun. January letter to follow shortly.